Abuja Guy: Do you have friends?

Meeting Abuja guys is always interesting and if you're observant you will learn a lot. Abuja guys are cute, smart, intelligent, rich or trying, loving, caring, ungrateful bastards that will be rude to you the second they don't get what they want from you. They lack every sort of mannerism in the books and the ones that are managing to try are total idiots if you close your legs.

Don't Miss Out, It's Gonna be Live At The Bank Tonight

Stress Management; It Could Save Your Life

Stress is a process, not a diagnosis. We experience stress when there is an imbalance between the demands being made on us and our resources to cope with those demands. The level and extent of stress a person may feel depends a great deal on their attitude to a particular situation. An event that may be extremely stressful for one person can be a mere hiccup in another person’s life.

You may feel under pressure to do something and fear you may fail. The more important the outcome, the more stressed you feel. You can feel stressed by external situations (too much work, children misbehaving) and by internal triggers (the way you think about external situations).

Stress is not always a bad thing. Some people thrive on stress and even need it to get things done. When the term ‘stress’ is used in a clinical sense, it refers to a situation that causes discomfort and distress for a person and can lead to other mental health problems, such as anxiety and depression.

Abuja Mythbusters 4: "All Hausa People are Muslims"

So people in other states just assume that all Hausa people here are Muslims, even some people here assume the same thing. Let me ask; are all Ibo people Catholics? exactly so I wonder why they assume this. Some people even confuse the tribe with the religion, they cant tell the difference, smh. There are Christian Hausa people as well as Hausa Muslims here so we don't get it twisted.

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You're an Introvert Part 2

13. You are Accused of Flirting with Everybody

Which is pretty funny, considering that it takes time for most introverts to actually warm up to anyone. This misconception is usually due to your great listening skills and your mindfulness towards those around you.

14. You Enjoy Your Time Alone

This may not sound like fun to everyone, but introverts not only like our alone time- we need it. Just doing nothing and having some ‘me-time’ is a way for us to unwind and re-energize.

15. You are Rarely Bored

While our extroverted counterparts turn to others for stimulation, we are constantly working out our lives and dreams in our heads. Introverts are deep thinkers and almost always have an inner monologue running through our minds- it keeps us highly entertained!

Lies Abuja Women tell

Abuja women are caring, smart, hustlers, independent and professional liars as in its like there's a boot camp now for lying, where abuja women go for special training (the men do the training). It’s almost as if when you come to Abuja, you must go first go through the training to get certified because even me the lies I've told alarm me mehn I be like "na me be this?"

The lies we tell ranges from petty stuff to pretty serious and crazy shit. Let me try and list some of the common ones:

Monday Inspiration: Why You Should Be Nice To People

Ever since Bob Sutton wrote The No Asshole Rule, there's been a pretty broad movement underway to eradicate dysfunctional jerks from the workplace. I've got a problem with that for a number of reasons. 

1. Judging character is entirely subjective. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So are most human attributes. And different business cultures accept different types of behavior. 

2. Everyone's a jerk sometimes. Even you. 

3. Jerks have a right to work too. And they can be great workers. Bosses, too.

All that said, there are lots of very good reasons why, all things being equal, you should at least try to be nice to people, especially in this era of social media and political correctness. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying you should be a pushover, a doormat, weak, or any other negative quality that people often associate with being nice. You can be a fierce competitor, a strong leader who fights to win and takes no prisoners, and still be nice. Fair. Professional. And you should, because it's good for your career and your business. Not only that, but it'll probably make you happier, too. Here's why.

Why I hate Cohabiting in Abuja

Relationships are a lot of work, you have to find the right person who meets the standards in your head, you get to know them better, you learn to control your feelings around that person to make them as comfortable as possible, having that purge like feeling for no reason, they will say its butterflies because of love. A good relationship is more than something we want—it's something we need to be our happiest, healthiest, most productive selves. You remember the last time your boo was mad at you for something that was your fault? How did you feel? Relationships come with a lot of emotional baggage with a whirlwind of emotions that we sef no understand. 

Anyway, Lots of people cohabit like live together when they are not married and I would say it’s done for some reasons and thus my opinion:

Trippy Friday. Say No To Drugs

I'm not a very experienced smoker, but I had been using cannabis for the last one and a half years. I have had some fabulous times when high, and also 2 bad trips, feeling nausious, very depressed, but this trip was by far the most frightening experience I have ever had. It was the beginning of july, and I just finished school. 2 months of vacation layed ahead of me. I invited a friend, we were to go to a metalfestival the next day. That night we smoked some white widow, we had 3 joints. After the first one, my throat hurted like hell, at one point, it was so bad, I couldn't speak anymore. But I thought 'it's the first time that I'm doing white widow, so it's probably nothing'. I also wanted to impress my friend, as he was far less experienced. These 2 things proved to be some of the biggest mistakes I've ever made. After about half an hour, we moved on to the next one. 

Jokes, Because Life aint that Serious

1.The following conversation ensued between Akpos and a girl he was getting to know:
Girl: “What’s your favorite position in bed?”
Akpos: “Near the wall so I can use my phone while it’s charging.

Officer no be you I just give money now now?

Nigerian police are known for everything from civilian brutality to bribery except doing their real work. Okay not to be a hater because they actually do some work and kudos to the real ones out there who are hardworking and who don’t collect bribe.

It’s not only in Abuja that police men collect bribe on the road for no reason whatsoever so much that even when you commit an actual crime, you get to pay more than the actual amount for your crime all for the police man’s interest. 

To all our Muslim Brothers and Sisters

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Follow Us on the Sidebars for Daily Posts if you Totally Relate

"I just returned from abroad after 30years so I will rub it in your face forever"

You know those fresh looking adults looking clean with AC dried skin, endowed with intelligence and some sort of accent, who came back to Naija after like 20 or 30 years and now they feel like they know it all and they are always right, I'll call them the "Returnees".

These people are the reason Nigeria will never be better. By these below, you shall know them if u don't already; 

Abeg Laugh Small: Tinder Fails

 

Hack: "oh boy see as that babe armpit black"

Its disgusting I won't lie, I didn't even know girls still had that.it just plain nasty and weird plus if hair con dey e go resemble sambisa forest with Boko Haram init.

Anyways sistrens your saviour is here and if your pits are dark AF say no more

So these are steps in removing and preventing dark pits

15 Things Every Woman Should Know About Sex

1. Every woman has a surefire happy-makng position — find yours.

find an alternate use for your baby's exesaucer when she's asleep if it adds to the variety — but figure it out.

2. That position may change

Maybe in your misspent youth you were all about acrobatics and funky props, but now you strive for a deep connection with your guy. (Or maybe it's the other way around!) What you crave, both physically and emotionally, can shiftover time, says Mary Jane Minkin, M.D., a lnical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Yale School of Medicine. Pay attention to what you're feeling (or not feeling) and adapt to your new normal.

3. He doesn't have a flaw-o-meter

That would be you scanning your body for an errant pudge or a dimple in the wrong place. "During sexual arousal, men are experiencing such a neurochemical cocktail rush, they're really just caught up in the intoxication of it all," says REDBOOK Love Network expert and sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First. In other words, he's too overwhelmed with joy to notice your "flaws." Put aside your body angst and you'll soon be having as much fun as he is.

Shy What? I'm an Introvert Joor.

Many people believe introversion and shyness are one and the same, but this is not true. All my life I was told that I was shy. I believed it too… until I learned that shyness is the fear of people due to insecurity or social anxiety.

When I learned this, I thought: wait a second- I’m not afraid of people, but being around too many people for too long always leaves me feeling drained. I also know that I always require alone time to recharge my energy. Moreover, I’m not a fan of interacting for the sake of interacting. I usually have a reason behind every interaction. It was then I thought to myself: nope, I’m not shy at all… what I am is an INTROVERT.

If you’ve always thought that you were shy, but you’re not afraid of being around people, check out this list of 24 signs that you are actually an introvert:

Dear Selly, I'm Falling in Love with a Married Man

I've been messing around with this married guy for sometime now. I feel so bad but I think I'm falling in love with him. I don't want to tell him because I'm afraid I'll scare him away.He's always so nice to me and it's not just because of sex because it doesn't happen all that often. He has five boys with his wife -- I have 2 boys. I know I'm not going to get anywhere with this.I just don't know what I should do and I don't see why he keeps coming back. A lot of local people go to this bar and when I'm there I always catch him looking at me or if I don't talk to him he makes it to where I know he's there. Is there any easy way to stop this, or to make it easier?
Reasonable comments please. Don't forget to follow us and submit your email on the left sidebar. Also send your questions to howtoliveinabuja@gmail.com.  Thank you

Have a Laugh: Wedding Dresses Abi Attire Wey Dey Confuse my Brain

Abuja People: The Pride Too Much

If I talk now, men will say its ego, abeg spare me that, it’s not male ego anything, its full blown pride. Sometimes I don't even want to meet any new person in this Abuja again because itaf tire me too much. The women will say if you've got it flaunt it, mehn sharrap there, they meant curves not your stupid pride.

Based on the research carried out by the Amebo group of the Abuja life using black chalk, 2 white stones, snake feathers and blood of a cock, We have come to a conclusion that 70% of Abuja people are proud, the men consisting of  50% and the remaining 20% being women. If una no believe our facts then why on earth will a man say that having a car is like having a mobile phone?  (So e done reach like that), or Abuja girls in the salon will make sure they gist about all the places they have travelled to, you sef will want to borrow passport and travel sharply, abi is it not pride?

Captions of Life

Read the Captions of the accounts as well

Why being a woman in Abuja is hell 2

Abuja women have a lot to deal with when it comes to Abuja men, These men who are either man whores or pussy hunters have already created behavioural patterns in their fat heads with which they use in judging the women and its kind of hard to prove them wrong or prove yourself worthy of their attention, They assume all sorts based on your actions and draw conclusions like say dem be artist. Sometimes I don't blame them for this because 90.5% of the time its the our fault, because all we want is money, or thats what they think and so based on this or not, they will write you off for so many reasons/assumptions of theirs as listed below. For Part 1 Click here

Monday Inspiration:How to Love Your Job

Every day we hear about people making radical career changes. The opportunities exist, but will all these changes make us any happier once we get there? Maybe the question is not “how can I get the job I’ll love?”, but “how can I love the job I have?” Following are five practical steps towards coming to terms with why you do what you’re doing. Take some time to think about it, and you might be surprised by what you find.

Realize that your job doesn't define you but how you do it does. There’s a lot to be said for attitude, more than will fit here. Any job can be done well, done with compassion, done with care. Your attitude at work and the way you treat people — even your mood — does not go unnoticed. They have a profound influence on the people you work with. There are times when you can’t control your situation, but you can always choose how you live in it.

In Abuja, White People Have it All.

We know how Africans treat white people like gods and how they literarily worship them and kiss their feet because of skin color and accent. These White people may be average people in the country but when they come to Nigeria or other African countries, they become superior so much so that a company that is not normally hiring will hire a white person just to have that rep as per a white person works for me. Consciously and unconsciously, this is done.

The Best Sex of Your Life: 4 Tips to improve Your Sex Life

There is no glass ceiling when it comes to pleasure. Even if you're already masterful in the bedroom, there's always room for growth. Below is our guide to having chandelier-swinging, nail-clawing, heart-clutching sex. 

1. Connect with Your Sensual Self

When it comes to having great sex, knowing what you're comfortable with in the bedroom is just as important as technique (or being freakishly flexible.) Feeling in charge of your sexuality is a non-negotiable requirement on the quest to mind-blowing sex, so if you're lacking in the sexual self-confidence department, now is the time to bone up. Dance around your apartment naked, schedule some me-time with a vibrating toy, buy yourself a hot dress – whatever you do, find a fun way to increase your sexual confidence and awareness on your own, so that you're better able to rock your man's world later on

Dear Selly; I'm Torn Between my Wife and my Girlfriend

Dear Selly, my girlfriend of 4 years is demanding I divorce my wife of 5 years or else we are through. I am torn because my wife is a lovely person but the years of me having fun have doubted my ability to enjoy my wife's company. My wife knows about the affair and says she accepts it. I feel under pressure to end my marriage because I fear losing my girlfriend who incidentally is more receptive to love making than my wife has ever been (I have known my wife for 15 years). I am 33 , my wife is 30 and my girlfriend is 25. To make matters worse I love them both but in different ways. Its not just about having your cake and eating it. I don't want to lose either person. My worry is that if I choose my wife then I will never get over my girlfriend and if I choose my girlfriend then perhaps I don't know her as well I thought I did. Please reasonable advice only.

Send Your questions to howtoliveinabuja@gmail.com. Be sure to start your questions with Dear Selly Thank you.

Warning!!! The Pictures You're About to See Cannot be Explained.

If You're a Mama's Boy; Omashé o

This is the worst thing that could ever happen to any man, being a mama's boy. Asin its the beginning of failure in all your relationships even marriage. It has its good sides in that your man will understand women better and know how to really treat you like a princess but the perka are  just so irritating to me, are you the only one that has a mum? Yea you love her to death, me too so what? She's your everything,  yes she's my life too but you don't see me being all up in your face about it and not spending time with you because I'm with her even when I see her every fucking day. Dear Abuja women asin this is an advice post on a serious note, RUN because its all fun and games until his mum wants to know how u fuck him, asin every single detail and she'll be in your business like say na she start am.

25 signs your man is a mamas boy below:

Abuja Mythbusters Episode 5: Love is in Abuja

The only love that is recognised in Abuja is Love for MONEY, every other Love is a myth.  To me Emotional abi Intimate Love is not in Abuja and you know why? Because everyones chasing money and power. If you are hoping to find love in Abuja then you must have already begun going to the mountain to fire prayer, even the married ones sef most are just hanging on because divorce na long thing for us Africans. Those who feel they have found true love, enjoy it while it lasts, hopefully God is with you.

Why Being a Lady in Abuja is Hell, Part 1

Abuja is a very crazy place, if you think uve seen it all come here and see madness on another level, its like battle of the sexes. The men looking out for themselves seeing ladies as gold digging, sugar daddy hungry females, the women just want to be comfortable and live a good life but are ready to do anything and everything to look like all those IG girls.
In Abuja, as a woman, the pressure to prove that you aint a hoe is on you and the odds are not in your favor I'm sorry, the men already have this mental list of typical Abuja behaviour and when u meet them and u tick at least 2 of these behaviours,  forget it because u don't even stand a chance of being GF material 3yards. No matter how loyal you think you are or how nice you are to them,  if you do one of these, just go to Ghana and look for bf:

Monday Inspiration: The Skill You Need to Stop Making Bad Decisions

Have you ever made a bad decision? Looking back, was it avoidable, if only you had sought out advice? If not, then congratulations: you are uniquely blessed. If so, then welcome to our club, a large one indeed.Avoidable bad decisions happen to everyone, and they keep happening to some. Why? Parents and teachers train us to apologize when causing harm and to give thanks when accepting help. But nobody trains young people, when they have an important decision to make, to ask themselves if they have the knowledge and experience to handle it, and if not, who does and can help.For diverse reasons of faulty judgment, emotion, social relations, and even biology, people do not try to bring the knowledge and experience of others to bear on their problems and challenges, in the service of better decision making.

Trippy Friday Episode 4

It was an idle Tuesday night sometime in September and a few friends and I decided to celebrate our friend Sean's birthday. Nothing too extreme, we spent a few hours at a local hooka club just smoking flavored tobacco and getting a light buzz then moved the party to my roommate and I's apartment where we drank a minimal amount of alcohol. We packed a glass bowl of weed and between about 5 people passed it while playing video games. I was lightly buzzed by the time the place started to clear out. The plan at this point was to get our friend Sean extremely wasted as our gift to him, but he dipped out on us leaving only my roommate, Hughie, and I with a lot of weed to smoke. A few weeks prior to this night, Hughie had made a 'gravity' bong out of a large glass bottle which he was anxious to show off to Sean. Excuse me for the quotations on 'gravity', but I've been smoking pot since I was 12 years old (I'm 20 now) and until Hughie moved in I had never experienced a homemade smoking apparatus. I had smoked a few times at this point out of his creation and had found it to be superior to a bowl, joint, blunt or any other way of smoking because it got one high extremely quick.

Abuja Ladies, Beware of Rohypnol

If you don't want to get raped, then stay away from drinks that u did not pour or open by yourself.  These Abuja Niggas got no chill these days and will do anything for sex like horny teenagers in puberty.  They don't mind spiking your drink with rohypnol or roche and since its chewable, they can grind it n put it in your drink or if you're the type that is ready to try anything (any type of drugs) to get high , they will convince you that roche will ginger you, asin make u feel good and hyped omo na wash because the kind sleep wey u go sleep ehn, person wey drunk better pass u, because u will not remember shit the next day. Asin ur brain go blank, so u fit no even remember if them rape u or not. Asin it will so hit u especially if you pop more than 2. If your brain light then 1 is enough mehn and u're finished.  My fellow womens, u no gats be virgin to avoid rape o biko stay away from rohypnol.  I done tell una.

Sorry for the Slow Posts

Mehn, my village people no wan leave me o, Even to post again dem go send internet issues HABA! God dey, posts will be regular again. Thanks guys.

TGIF: Do Not Die Tonight

Yes work has been crazy, the week has been stressful and finally another weekend has been bestowed upon us, but the world doesnt end tonight and so your life shouldnt, PLEASE DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE. BE SAFE

NYSC in Abuja Part 4: Allowee

19800 really? Like really, thats how much a grown ass adult who has no support from parents anymore and is jobless with no home or car, is supposed to use to survive in a new town like abuja for a year. Maybe its easy in other states of which I doubt but its hell in abuja. if ure here regardless, it will be hard, asin difficult, asin extremely unbearable because u see this suffer, u will suffer it. Let me start with females, we have to shop, buy toiletries, buy makeup, go out, like take care of ourselves some men will say its unecessary well remove 350 for pad from the allowee and see how much is left, and lets see how u feel when u need to take a lady out and dont have the money to, because we all need to be comfortable at least and 19800 is not realistic to make us even close to being comfortable, when I served, tp to my PPA was 14k every month and u know some PPA do not pay their corpers so 19800 minus 14000, thats 5800 to survive on? NA SO.

Sex Edutainment: 8 of your most common questions about sex

1. Am I Normal?

People want to know that their drives, responses, fantasies, or bodies aren't somehow weird — probably because so many of us learned as kids that sex is dirty and our bodily needs shouldn't be discussed. As adults, we crave assurance that we're OK. The answer is yes — of course you're normal! As long as your sex life isn't harming anyone and you're safe, there's no reason to be concerned about the shape of your desires, or your genitals. "Normal" encompasses a broad range of behaviors and bodies. You don't have to feel embarrassed or ashamed about uninhibitedly enjoying and exploring your sexuality. A first step in loosening those inhibitions is embracing this broader definition of "normal.""">Sometimes I sense that the unspoken question is really "My sex life is unfulfilling; is that normal?" It's certainly common, a sad reality for many. I believe this is because most women don't know how to ask for what they want in the bedroom (more about that later). Some aren't even sure what they want. Accepting yourself as normal, with a right to an uninhibited sexual self, will start you moving toward the sex life of your dreams.

"I Work with a Private Company"

Having a government job is many people's dream/wish, I mean the reasonable working hours, the sign in, go out, come back closing time and sign out pattern, the relaxed seriousness of the work and the luxury of owning a side business. Your boss may or may not be an asshole but he can't fire you because na government employ am too. Whether the pay is good or amazing, that feeling of security gives us peace of mind.

Private companies have stricter laws, more seriousness even when what's really been done is not much. If you come late two times, query, if you leave before time, warning, working hours between 9 and 11 but no less. Everything just so annoying.

Have a Laugh: 25 Completely Unexplainable Dating Site Pictures

Abuja Myth Busters. Episode 4: "We go to Villa to see Presido as we like"

Honestly this one is shocking and cracks me up aswear. Asin you hear people from other states asking you "so hows the president doing now?" as at how? like say una be neighbors for the same estate. Dem no dey see president anyhow, you fit even dey abuja 20years and you no go see am. How e take concern us sef? President dey share money? People wey dey always see am na people wey dey find contract and other things that they want from him.

So NO not all of us see the president every other day, we still dey see am for TV like una, some of us the closest we've been, is seeing his convoy on the way to the airport and na because say we gats wait.  People who ask this, now you know stop asking, it’s hilarious and annoying.

Mehn

My friday nights are the same, half the time I don't remember.  Be safe guys.

Trippy Friday: Episode 3

I'll start off by saying this report might be a little difficult to write, as it happened a few months ago and this is the first time I've attempted to write about it. But I wanted to submit it as many people don't realize how negative a trip you can get from pot. After having a trip like this I was first convinced that it must have been laced, as some of the things described in this report probably don't sound like pot, but I now realize that I probably just smoked too much to handle, and it was just some fucking potent weed. It was however one of THE MOST unpleasant experiences of my life.
I have smoked pot a fair amount, starting grade 7, but never at school. My friend Devin and I decided to smoke some pot before our grade 9 geography class as we figured we would just be giggly and it would be more fun. Bad assumption.

We obtained it from Devin's friend Jesse and smoked pails, each only getting about two hits. The hits were huge, but still only two hits, and that was it, we were fucked.

TGIF

Its Friday, my favorite day of all days. No work, I get to do whatever I like although I will miss the free wifi, but oh well fuck it, its totally worth it. I dont know about you but I leave my work life behind on friday and start looking for it sunday evening. Always remember,  party all you like but please DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE. Lets be safe to see many more Fridays. Love you guys.

Sex Edutainment: 5 Sex Topics You and Your Partner Must Discuss

 

Is your relationship heading to the next level? Or, maybe things have just been a bit underwhelming between the sheets? When you and your partner become intimate, ultimately great sex is the goal -- we get that. But before you hit the lights there are a few topics the two of you should cover, together, if you want to minimize your chances of an awkward moment in bed. Knowing each others desires, preferences, and sexual past is key in starting things off on the right foot. Here’s some great advice from two of our favorite sexperts on how to get there.

NYSC in Abuja Episode 3: "International Students Move This Way"

We wey no study for outside country, na only us sabi the feeling when the International students get treated like gods, e just be like make you just rewind time, go study abroad even if na Gabon make you just sha follow. The preferential treatment is on another level entirely. Let me just try and list a few of the many ways they get treated better than we the "local students":

How to Save Money (Me sef need am pass you)

 

Saving money is one of those tasks that's so much easier said than done — everyone knows it's smart to save money in the long run, but many of us still have difficulty doing it. There's more to saving than simply spending less money, although this alone can be challenging. Smart money-savers also need to consider how to spend the money they do have as well as how to maximize their income. Start with Step 1 below to learn how to set realistic goals, keep your spending in check, and get the greatest long-term benefit for your money.