Silent But Deadly

                                  

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. My farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."

The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady comes back.

"Doctor," she says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now my farts...although still silent...stink terribly."

The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your nose, let's work on your hearing."

Why You Shouldn't Marry a Yoruba Boy According to Abiodun Kuforiji Nkwocha (its hilarious)

                                     

I am going to offend people with this one I just know it! Saying the truth is never easy so here it goes… (if you do not have a sense of humour please stop here.)

“If you have not married an Igbo man, then you are not yet married”

There I have said it. I feel so much better now.

So, my Yoruba brothers have been getting a bad rep on social media. I usually do not get into discussions like that because I am too busy thanking God I did not marry a Yoruba man.

I am a Yoruba girl from Ogun State and my father was the exception from the norm. My brothers… I will just say that you can fall for them at your own peril.

I am proud of the tribe I belong to. I love how cerebral we are, I love how progressive and fun loving it is to be Yoruba. So saying anything negative should not be seen as coming from a bad place, it is just so that these our lover boys will change a lirrle bit. (more after the cut)

Monday Inspiration: How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others—and Feel Happier!

      

One of the easiest ways to feel bad about oneself is to compare yourself unfavorably to others. We may be tempted to compare ourselves with those who have more accomplishments, seem more attractive, make more money, or boast more Facebook friends.

When you find yourself envious of what someone else has, and feel jealous, inferior or inadequate as the result, you’re having a negative social comparison moment.

Habitual negative social comparisons can cause a person to experience greater stress, anxiety, depression, and make self-defeating choices.  

Two interesting notes about negative social comparison: (more after the cut)

A Cop Knocked On My Door This Morning

A policeman knocked on my door this morning, but I just locked it and sat there in complete silence.

After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it. The knocks got louder and more frequent but I was determined not to move in the hope that he would just go away.

Then, he decided to look through the window. He shouted, "Do you think I'm stupid? I can see you in there, sir. Open the door!"

I said, "You're not coming in mate!"

He said, "I don't want to come in, I just want you to step out of the car."

When Owù/Brokeness Becomes your Soul Mate

                                    

Mehn we all have ups and downs, highs and lows and sometimes the lows are just lower than minimum wage in naija. So I have to go to work on a Monday morning after spending the weekend pondering how the hell I spent my salary in like 2weeks and now I have to suffer the consequences and the next pay day seemed like eternity. Well the previous night I searched all my trousers, jeans, gowns with pockets and all my bags for some change I probably forgot about but sadly even 10naira I didn't see, waking up the next day, by faith I dressed up,  packaged looking all fresh and shit and went for the only way out, I went to the pharmacy at my estate and was like "please can I have 5h I forgot to use the ATM yesterday (which was a lie, acct was red) I'll pay back when I get back today" and the lady was nice enough to give me and so I was on my way to work. (more after the cut)

Trippy Friday: It Happened So Fast

So, I've done blow since I was about 16. Very random.  Months apart. Just at parties and shit cause I was a teenager and it seemed like the right thing to do. But my friend just got home from college, so we were in celebratory mood and before you know it, we've been doing blow everyday for about 3 weeks now. Some days it's a line before work and that's it, some days it's a balls out tweakerpad crazycracktivity night where we don't sleep until 10am. Evens out pretty well.
**It also should be noted that we got this batch from the same guy we always do. He is a very trusted source. Also, after the first line of this bag we noted that it was better than the stuff we'd been getting. It seemed like a cleaner high. A more social high,  less physical. It felt good, not cracked out beyond control. We were very happy with our purchase from the first line of the evening.** (more after the cut)

The Little Reveal

In This New Year, I want to Appreciate everyone who has supported me by viewing my page. Thank you and may this year give us freedom from our “demons”, may we become better than our former selves. May we never give up on our dreams and may we always remember that in this short life, hope, faith and love is all we have. No more hiding this year so this is the "unpackaged" me and my cat boo saying thank you.. Now you know I'm not a robot. Just a lowkey yute who loves to write.

PS: I'm not lonely o and you won't believe boo eats beans 😹😹👽

Issues Dammit!!!

I can't Access My Computer at the moment, my phone doesn't do much editing And I wouldn't wanna post unfinished material so posts may be slow for now. my hands are tied,  Forgive me. Have a lovely week.

15 Typical Abuja Behavioural Patterns

It's no news that Abuja people behave a certain way of life and attitude that's different from that of the typical Nigerian from any other state or anywhere else in the world as a matter of fact. Abuja people have a way of proving how typical and how basic they are and can be by the way they do certain things and their reactions to various situations and this has absolutely nothing to do with Sex of the individuals involved. This post is aimed at helping you spot the difference between a bonified Abuja person and a person not from around here and it’s based on the behavioral patterns of the majority not the entirety of Abuja people.(more after the cut)

Bombay Nights

                                                                    

What you're about to read is not for the chicken hearted, should not be attempted and is based on real events that took place on a fateful Friday night.

Bad company does corrupt good manners and in my case he's cute, skinny and one of the coolest people I know. I've never really been a drinker even though I drank the occasional Smirnoff ice on outings with friends but that was it. I never had the craving for alcohol until I met Q (not his real name). Q is a motherfucking drunk like you know those people who never get wasted? That's Q, he just never did no matter what he drank and he sure did drink all day everyday in fact it was his morning ritual like wake up with a hangover, look at the monster in the mirror, get some vodka and rinse his mouth with it lol. I was so intrigued by his love for alcohol because I couldn't really get past the taste of alcohol at the back of my throat and Q always said "who tf drinks alcohol because of the taste? Mehn we just want to get high" and I be like “whatever, fucking alcoholic you need an AA intervention” I would tease. (more after the cut)

Trippy Friday: Intravaneous Bliss with a Chaser of Depravity (Cocaine)

I have done drugs for a number of years..actually, since seventh grade. My preferred drugs are typically hallucinogenic in origin, but there was a time where narcotics ruled the roost. Namely, 'cocaine'. I had just purchased three grams of the finest in town..(Granted in America that's not saying much) Not the wasteful type, I thought, 'Hell, if I'm going to do this, I might as well do it right.' I Stopped by the walgreens for a pack of syringes and I was on my way. (more after the cut)

6 Tips to Prevent Back Pain

                               

Back Pain can be the result of trauma, such as a fall or a car accident. But most often back pain is the result of an everyday activity done incorrectly — activities as common as twisting to reach or lift an object, sitting at a computer in the same position for hours, bending over to vacuum, and carrying shopping bags. The good news is that back pain prevention isn't all that difficult, often requiring just a few adjustments that will soon become second nature.

Here are six simple but effective back pain prevention tips.

1.      Exercise. One of the most important things you can do for back pain prevention is to get up and get moving. Why does exercise prevent back pain? Muscles are meant to move, says Robin Lustig, DC, a chiropractor at New Jersey Total Health Center in Lodi and Pompton Plains, N.J. If you aren't in good shape, you're more likely to hurt your back and feel pain when you do even simple movements, such as lifting your child from his crib. "Also, exercise helps keep your joints fluid," Dr. Lustig says. Another reason exercise prevents back pain is that exercise helps you keep your weight down — being overweight, especially around your stomach, can put added strain on your back.(more after the cut)

#TBT Abuja Post: Dear Abuja Babes, 10 Ways on How to Avoid being called an Ash...

Ladies, these days’ men do not take you guys seriously because a lot of you women do some really crazy stuff to these men. Even the ones in relationships behave like they're single sometimes and so these men are quick to judge and call them Abuja babes (Ash...)

I'm going to give you a list of how to avoid being mistaken for an Ash.. and if you're one then this may help you better hide it.  (more after the cut)

In This New Year, Tell Us What You Will Like To See on Our Blog

We would love to hear from you, Send your suggestions to howtoliveinabuja@gmail.com

8 Damaging Myths About Addiction

                                 

Myth No. 1: There is an addiction gene

There is no single gene, or set of genes, that determines whether or not a person will become an addict. And even if a person's parents are addicts, it doesn't mean they will be too. Current addiction research shows that roughly 50% of addiction tendencies are attributable to genes.

That's a high percentage, but it still leaves half of the equation up to the environment and personal experiences. The addiction gene myth lulls many people into a false sense of confidence about their own drug use while paradoxically also discouraging many addicts from seeking treatment. (more after the cut)

Poetry Wednesday: You (A poem about finding yourself)

                                         

You,
you are a question unanswered
A task too great for a mind as young as yours
So you wander the earth searching for answers
Stuck in ditch after ditch, climbing out of wine glasses
Sticking your feet in the oddest of puddles, moistening your ignorance

You

Your name is unknown to you, you pretend to know everything
Yet you entrap yourself in falsehood peddled by preachers
You bathe in the nearest pool, baptizing your soul from sin
Haven’t you realized you emerge blacker than you when you took a dip
Don’t you feel overwhelmed with more questions than you had (more after the cut)

A Crazy Dream

                                   

It was a dreadful night for me! I was shivering in my bed. Instantly, I pulled my blanket and covered myself from top to bottom. I saw a horrible dream......

'A black, muscular, man was standing in front of me. As he grinned at me, it seemed as if a tube light was switched on in a dark room. I was terrified in his appearance. I mumbled, 'Who are you?'

'Yam Dev. I am the final destination of any living being, God of Death,' he replied in the same smiling face.

'But...but I didn't invite you, sir. How can I help you, sir?' very humbly and in a coherent voice I asked him.

'Ha...ha..ha..Oh, dear, you made me laugh!!! I am never welcomed by anyone, but I am so sorry dear, I have to be rude some times, some days. Today is your turn. Don't worry, millions of people will join you. You will never feel lonely. Come on,' saying these words, Yam Dev extended his hand towards me.' (more after the cut)

Ten Signs Your Relationship Isn’t Working: Break Up or Fix It

                                  

Breaking up pretty much sucks. There’s no question about it. If you’re still struggling with the question, “Should I break up with her?,” you may want to read the following below. There’s no way I can sit here and tell you precisely what to do; That’s a call that you alone have to make… which is exactly why it can be so hard.

However, there are certain issues in a relationship that are deal breakers and when you run into one of these that one question pops into your mind “Do I break up or do we work it out?” Well, there’s no “one-size-fits-all” answer here. In two separate relationships the two exact same situations can mean two completely different things. With that said, here are ten of the most common reasons people grow apart or want to break up and advice on how you can break up smoothly or fix things.

Whether you want to break up or work through things, The Art of Charm has your back. (more after the cut)

Question: "Is abstinence before marriage a realistic message?"

                                  

Answer: Many in the modern culture have declared that sexual morality is dead, that abstinence isn’t realistic, but it is instead old-fashioned and outdated. Is abstinence before marriage even reasonable in today’s “hook-up culture”?

God designed sex to be enjoyed within a committed marital relationship. When God brought Adam and Eve together in marriage, He established the “one flesh" relationship.Genesis 2:24 tells us that a man will leave his family, join to his wife, and become “one flesh” with her. There are numerous verses that declare sex before marriage to be sin (Acts 15:20; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13, 18; 10:8;2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19;Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7). The Bible commands complete abstinence before marriage. Sex between a husband and his wife is the only form of sexual relations of which God approves (Hebrews 13:4). (More after the cut)

A Story of Hope

                              

Hey, my name as Justine. I just wanted to share my story. Honestly I was nervous at first . I grew up in a bad situation (my dad into drugs and in and out of prison.) My grandmother raised me but she passed away when I was 10. I grew with my dad after that and life was rough.my mother over dosed and died when I was 14, I tried to kill myself three years later. I got taken away by social services at 17 and I was put into a group home. That was probably the best thing that ever happened. It taught me how a family was supposed to be, how to be an adult . I got something that I never got at home, I learned to have hope. Hope was the best thing that ever happened. I want to show others that you are not a product of your environment, you have a choice to be who you want. I want to get a PhD i n therapy now. I want to help others that are like me.