I
am going to offend people with this one I just know it! Saying the truth is
never easy so here it goes… (if you do not have a sense of humour please stop
here.)
“If
you have not married an Igbo man, then you are not yet married”
There
I have said it. I feel so much better now.
So,
my Yoruba brothers have been getting a bad rep on social media. I usually do
not get into discussions like that because I am too busy thanking God I did not
marry a Yoruba man.
I
am a Yoruba girl from Ogun State and my father was the exception from the norm.
My brothers… I will just say that you can fall for them at your own peril.
I
am proud of the tribe I belong to. I love how cerebral we are, I love how
progressive and fun loving it is to be Yoruba. So saying anything negative
should not be seen as coming from a bad place, it is just so that these our
lover boys will change a lirrle bit. (more after the cut)
Yoruba
boys bad gan!!!
Has
a Yoruba boy used sweet mouth to scatter your destiny before? For some lucky
girls it may have been temporary confusion but when your mother’s prayers got
you out of there, you vowed never to go back and to preach the gospel against
the mgbati bobos. So many women are not so lucky, they are in the trap and
there is no turning back.
When
a Yoruba boy means to get you, I am not sure even MFM can help you. The guy
will waltz into the hearts of your friends, prostrate for your dad and mummy
and play hide and seek with your nephews and nieces. He will pull random things
out of his hat like;
“Blessing,
take this number, she is an event planner. Fix time to go and discuss with
her.”
You
will find out (when it is too late) that he has two children with Rasheedat,
gave Bose belle and has done ‘introduction’ with Suliyat.
Lest
you think that I am speaking generally without basis, I just want to cull from
different experiences of the people around me. Iyabo my friend is always
regaling me with the tales of her husband. First, he has children from another
woman. Why oh why can’t they just find one woman to hatch all the eggs in the
nest with? They are cheerful givers of children and children alone. She is
always complaining about money for ‘soup’. Apparently while they love to give
children, the do not like to give cash or gifts. I am not using this woman’s experience
alone o! I have some other friends and it is the same thing they say. The men
shirk their financial responsibilities. To put it like our office driver said
“They
go born pikin for different houses but nobody go see their shishi…”
They
are not just generous children givers, they can melt Olumo Rock with their
raps. I just recalled a particular incident. I can still see the dark good
looking guy that had backed me into a corner after a church service. “O’loun
you are fine Sister Biodun.. Ah! “The “AH” he said startled me, it was as
though something was surprising him. I even turned around and asked him “What?”
He said that it was my beauty that had gripped him. When I went home, I had to
stare at a mirror several times to see what was so striking about my face that
had made him shout. His eyes had shone with sincerity. I was dating someone but
I will not lie, he had entered my mind… just small. I discovered not long after
that that he was engaged. Shior! I was snapped back to reality.
My
neighbor always says.
“If
you allow a Yoruba man open shop for you, when una quarrel, he go lock the
shop.”
So
they are petty and vindictive. When they give you something, they still own it.
If a Yoruba man gives you something, do not pat yourself on the back for being
‘sharp’ or think that it was a special thing or a special way he feels about
you that made him do it. There is a reason why 4 out 5 accountants are Yoruba…
I may not have done any research but I am pretty confident. The dude did his
math (which I assure you he did not fail in school) and weighed the pros and
cons and decided it would benefit him to part away with the thing in question.
This is very different from the Igbo man that will do things to show people
that he is ‘capable’. A Yoruba man will come to you as broke as humanly
possible but yet you will find yourself cooking for him, forgiving him for his
obvious lies and wondering for the umpteenth time how he managed to make you
‘off’ you panties despite your resolve not to.
The
older they get, the badder they become. Everyone knows of the Yoruba uncle that
even at 60 is still squinting and pinning his eyes on Gbemisola’s bum bum. Just
two seconds of conversation and she will be giggling and blinking at Uncle
while he says, “Gbemi, Gbemi. AH!!!! Your husband will enjoy o.”
How
did I escape? Maybe it was my destiny or maybe I had a thing against my people
for looking down on me because of my northern upbringing and northern blood
(from my mother’s side). Or maybe it was because nothing can withstand the
‘Igbo Kwenu’ charm. Truly, by the time Mr Nkwocha was through toasting me like
bread, I left my job, abandoned my vow never to live in Lagos to peel cocoyam
for Oha soup in one kitchen in Ogudu. I can confidently say that so far he has
lived up to his promises.
Ehen,
this is not an insult to my brothers, this is a call to change. But come to
think about it, why should they change? The girls will complain and still
follow them. Sigh…
Consider
Igbo boys, they know what is up (will do a part 2 focusing on Igbo boys!).
NB:
I have just one brother in law left… hurry now while stock lasts
Written by Abiodun Kuforiji Nkwocha
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