NYSC in Abuja Part 1: Let me Break it Down for You

I remember that inner joy I had, after I got my call up letter and I was posted to the place I wanted because the working was legit and my 50k no waste and it was Kubwa camp not Keffi. It was quite a relief to bear in mind that after this one, everything concerning school and being under person done end. Especially for those that went to private universities it was marvellous. 

In Abuja Camp I will list the kinds of people you will find;

Secret to Good Sex; Its all in your Mind

Remember when sex was like a seven-course gastronomic feast? You never knew what was coming, every mouthful left you tingling all over and, by the end of it, you were satisfied and content. Nowadays, it's more like Pot Noodle: quick, convenient and fills a gap, but you wouldn't want it every night.

To put great sex back on the menu, you've got to put it on the brain. Great sex starts in the mind, turning on your brain hours or days before you have sex triggers your libido into action. Here's how:

Hack of the Day

And yeah, that's what it’s for.

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Dear Men: How to make your Abuja Girl Happy!

Happiness is something everyone seeks, it’s always like there's this vacuum in us that can’t seem to be filled. Happiness means a lot of things to different people and some people's happiness depends on others.

To make your Abuja babe happy here's how to do it;

"Errm bros Abeg u get Kush?"

You know how growing up our parents will advise us like "don't drink, don't do hard drugs like "igbó" it will damage your brain". We even judged people who smoked and associated them with bad gangs, cultism and touts. And then you watch oyibo college movies and u see them doing all types of drugs and u be like "na wa o, God forbid".

Monday inspiration: Believe in Yourself

You wake up, you think about your dead end job, your life, how your family is suffering, you feel left out from the wealth around especially in Abuja, you remember your old school mate who now has a house and drives a 2015 S550 Benz, whose family is abroad and he seems to have all he needs, you think about the girl whose parents are rich so she has everything sorted but you can't even afford 3 square meals. My friend, Life is not always how we want it to be but we have to keep trying, we have to keep making that effort, hardwork pays off eventually you just have to be patient and not give up. You have to believe in yourself that you can do anything and that things will work out fine in the end. JUST BELIEVE.

Friday Night Life: "Guy where we dey turn up tonight?"

Nothing is more sweet than realizing its Friday and you get to work half day because your boss decided to be nice, the realization that yet another much awaited weekend has begun gives us some sort of high and its quite amazing until its Sunday evening lol.

Friday everywhere the clubs, lounges, bars, gardens are parked with people getting to relax after a stressful week of doing basically close to nothing at their Abuja jobs, and it’s just mentally stressful. Here it’s like all the clubs are on Adetokunbo Ademola in Wuse2, as in most of them for real, (I know Gwarimpa people will start arguing). As per weekend, people turn up at various clubs and of course you will meet all kinds of people. 

In Abuja clubs, you see all sorts of things, let me give you the load down, here are the types of people you meet at the clubs:

Hack of the Day; Dear Men

My pimp is better than yours!!

Everyone is looking for the easiest and most convenient means of livelihood, as that is good, some choices are rather alarming.

Here grown men decide to be pimps either full time or part time. They start by hanging out more often, making friends especially women and then for those who are down, they start to pimp them out to the highest bidder. They buy cars from this business, no lies. Some don't mind pimping their so called girlfriends out just for money from these "rich men". This is good business for them and they are not about to stop for shit.

The Diary of a broke Abuja Girl: Episode One

Cab men know it all: "Abeg Driver this gist no concern me, just drive"

If you no get car, or your car no get fuel, then Cabs are the next option.

Lots of people take cabs daily and so while you're in the back seat, making that call or gisting with your girlfriend about that runz, the drivers are listening, infact one of their major jobs aside the driving is gathering gist and the possibility of them gisting other passengers is like 99.98%. 

Hack of the Day: For all my borrow borrow people

Abuja Myth Busters. Episode 1 "Everyone in Abuja is rich"

It’s very easy for people to assume that Abuja is a land of money where everyone is rich and leaving a life of luxury because of the politicians and all that's here.

Mehn we are not all rich o, I never even pay my rent.

The way it is here is the way it is in other states. In fact there are so many broke people here including me, who don't live in mansions, who don't shop in Dubai, who have never traveled abroad, who didn't school there either, who still buys food stuffs from Utako market and not shop rite, who buy okrika, who don't drive range, who have never been to Aso villa and Transcorp, who still buy mama put, who still wear Aba clothes and who stay in places with untarred roads. Now una know.

Dear Abuja Babes, How to Avoid being called an Ash...

Ladies, these days’ men do not take you guys seriously because a lot of you women do some really crazy stuff to these men. Even the ones in relationships behave like they're single sometimes and so these men are quick to judge and call them Abuja babes (Ash...)

I'm going to give you a list of how to avoid being mistaken for an Ash.. and if you're one then this may help you better hide it.

Weekend Special: Importer, Exporter!

So word on the town is that Abuja girls are not enough for the Abuja men and what do they do about this? Well you're about to find out.

Bros where you dey stay?

Like some say money is not for everyone, because with money comes responsibilities and to handle them you need to have sense and some lack it.

In Abuja lots of people have money but not all have sense and so the senseless ones are the ones I'll call Ode.

These ode niggas are the ones that drive the latest cars but dem no get house. As dumb as this sounds, my dear it’s legit and it’s happening. You see a young man with Ranger Rover and confam BMW but they no get house. They practically live in their cars and occasionally look for where to perch like fly.

Date ke?

We all know that there are guidelines on going on a date and also dating mannerisms and these things determine first impressions and help in getting to better know each other, but in Abuja which date?   I don't think the guys know what that means because for here first date fit be for club and of course after club his house and his bed then the next day, he won't take your calls again. Here people are friends for only one day and e dey happen on a steady.

Injection is the new White.

We all see those light skinned girls, so white almost brighter than their future, looking flashy and dressed up taking all the attention and its almost as if they have the same makeup artist because ehn, they all look alike. Some people will say they have that "okpo" look. the girls always claiming "I was born like this", all because their knuckles aint dark as shit like others and its surprising how they get all the rich, cute, guys driving range and g wagon. When they pass, men can just look in some girls eyes and  see the envy, jealousy and in their head they're like, "I wish I was fair like that so I can get attention too". smh

"I'm a Virgin"

Girls are just beautiful creatures; God ate Jollof rice the day he made them. Damn they are amazing and if you’re a virgin in this generation, my dear congrats because you’re like , una scarce.

Being a virgin is the best thing anyone can do for themselves especially a woman, because you barely ever have to worry when blood no flow, or when peeing burns and you have to go and buy mycoten at H-medix and have to pay to a female cashier. It’s God's way. Virginity/abstinence is true bliss for a woman.

In Abuja the girls are cute, maybe overly bleached and whiter than onyi ocha but still cute and still do not exercise lol and it’s truly amazing how every girl is a virgin. Of course PSYCH virgin ;). The ash…ruining everything for the real virgins out there.

Idk why they say it, I think it’s because they don't want the men to think they sleep around, but it’s so cliché even the men don't believe the true virgins. If and I mean IF she truly is, then my brother, she fit hold shit? Reason am (ask your friends that understand).

Biko its old, stop it. These days sef surgery can make her a virgin, even V tightening creams. Don’t be fooled my people.

So sister if u be "abuja virgin" tell us why u dey lie? and guys ask them beht why?

GUY: "Hi you're cute. let me ruin your life"

Abuja women want good, RICH men who will be faithful (Jesus), spoil them, change their status on Facebook to Married and feature the wedding on Bella Naija. The ones that are married want their husband to be faithful regardless and take care of their family. 

Some marriages here are like bad relationships, where the men do whatever they like and get away with it most times because in Naija divorce na long thing, so she will stay no matter what. That's why you see women stay in Abuja marriages because of status and money but not because they are happy.

The single women have it worse because the "single" men in Abuja are nothing close to what they want, so if you are a single woman this post, read am well.