Not all Well-dressed Abuja Women are Normal (Personal Experience)

                 

So after work one day I get to the bus stop to start my journey back home (along things) for those of you who don’t know what along means, it means when you enter a cab with other people going to the same place as you for an affordable price instead of paying for an expensive cab by yourself. If you don’t get front seat which is the best because you don’t get to rub arms with sweater passengers, some even with body odour, you get the back seats. Well I didn’t get the front seat so I got in the back, a normal looking woman followed and after me then two other men, as I saw her face and the glance she gave me I knew instantly that some nuts in her brain were not in place but I ignored it. (more after the cut)

In Abuja, There are probably more Gay men than Straight

                                          

With the Bruce sorry Caitlyn Jenner gist now slowly dying down and she’s finally had his/her 5minutes of fame, I just know I'm not the only one reasoning "which kind weed this one dey smoke?" It has to be some laced loud because what else would make an elderly man after having fleets of kids just decide to become a woman. Imagine my grand pa just starts wearing wigs and makeup,  omoh na straight deliverance o because it won't be funny, but trust the modern world to accept anything and praise rubbish,  I know there are still lots of us out there that still think it’s ridiculous and just not right especially with religious standards I mean I know many rams will say "but we do almost everything the bible says we shouldn't na" well that’s because man is always out to do the opposite which doesn’t make it right, just like yahoo boy flexing scam money, he may use it to help his family and all but it doesn't make it right because the day EFCC go show, even his parents will deny and pretend like they didn't know it was “maga that paid”. Some people in their hearts know It’s just effed up but can't say because in 2015 you're homophobic and a bigot (Thank God we are all entitled to our opinions). More after the cut

A Navy Master Chief Questions A New Seaman

 

The crusty Navy Master Chief noticed a new face and barked at him, "Get over here! What's your name, sailor?"

"John," the new seaman replied.

"Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they're teaching sailors in boot camp these days, but I don't call anyone by his first name," the chief scowled. "It breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my sailors by their last names only; Smith, Jones, Baker, Jackson, whatever. And you are to refer to me as 'Master Chief.’ Do I make myself clear?"

"Aye, Aye, Master Chief!"

"Now that we've got that straight, what's your last name?"

The seaman sighed. "Darling, My name is John Darling, Master Chief."

"Okay, John, here's what I want you to do ...."

Monday Inspiration: 3 reasons why failure is the key to success

                          

If you’re like most people, you probably have a bad relationship with failure. You see it as an ending, as proof that your plan didn’t succeed or your ideas weren’t good enough. The truth is, failure happens to everyone. The only thing that separates people who succeed from those who don’t is a proper understanding of the power of failure. Success requires that you learn from mistakes and missteps along the way rather than falling into despair and giving up. Pay attention to the information here, especially if you’re at a place where failure isn’t your friend, and you will find that opportunity lies in every defeat. Here are 3 reasons why failure is the key to success. (more after the cut)

These Days "Ignoring" is the New "No" (Must read)

                                                                

To succeed in life you have to have a plan, without planning a lot of things will go wrong beyond your control and you will be left stranded even when you thought you had more than enough, Without planning you will see that no matter how much you're earning or how much effort you think you're putting into something, you may not get the desired results you need or expect. Planning and discipline go hand in hand as well, because if you plan and you are not disciplined enough to follow it through, might as well not have a plan at all. Many people will say, what if your plan doesn't work? Well, life happens and may not give us exactly what we want but at least know what you want and plan towards it then see how it goes, either way you tried. With good enough planning and discipline, you can go far in life and as much as we all want to be independent and try to be successful, we all need somebody to take us to that next level because no man is an island, just like a rich man who has all the money and wants to build a new house, he needs someone or people to make that happen. (more after the cut)

Pun of the day

As you go clubbing tonight, don't forget the "drinks buying" man dem

Exaggeration of Life. Mummy beht why?

Gay stuff be going on these days on almost all the season movies(not discriminating)

JESU!!! 3,500 male sex workers, mostly married men discovered in Abuja -NACA

Hack: Dear Abuja women, you can use TAMPONS too ènugo?

It's no longer a white women thing but because African women are too much in their comfort zones, they would rather not try because, well it can disvirgin them or feel weird like there's a cucumber in between thwir legs. U be Virgin?

Using pads is not all pleasant. Does it give you some injuries? Me too. Does it make noises sometimes? Me too. So why not use something better? No we are scared of change.

Tampons are easier and better and NO it doesn't leak, NO it won't disvirgin you, NO you won't bleed to death and NO it won't expand it. All you have to do is insert it and that's all, you won't feel a thing.

Yes it safe, better, comfortable, easy to use, affordable and even long lasting Up to 8hrs depending on the absorbence level. Although the one with the least absorbance (Pearl lite or regular) Is preferable. Ensure to READ THE LEAFLET FOR DETAILS BEFORE USE

MORE ON HOW TO USE AFTER THE CUT

Trust nobody, Fear everybody

College Funds Abroad be like

Girls Expect way too much from men these days

Yoruba cook book instructions be like ROTFL

SPOT ON OR NAH?

Party Tips: 15 Hints for Sensible Drinking

                                

HINTS FOR DRINKING

Alcohol in the form of beer, wine, spirits, and ciders is consumed by many people in many cultures around the world.  Drinking, like eating, or any social activity, has some guidelines to help the participant get more enjoyment out of the activity. Gobbling down half a chocolate cake at a party would not be considered responsible eating or even polite in most cultures. The same goes for drinking. Responsible choices concerning sensible drinking may mean not drinking, such as when a person is sick, taking medications or being the designated driver. Responsible drinking means that you never have to feel sorry for what has happened while you were drinking. Basically, this means not becoming drunk. The following are some hints to help you drink responsibly and derive more enjoyment and pleasure from drinking if you choose to consume alcohol. (more after the cut)

Hausa, we should all marry Hausa then as its not on the list

Crazy Women be like

You alone hold the key to your happiness

Don't Let anyone define your happiness for you. Be happy for you and you alone.

The answer after the cut (photos)

Even with their 100gb forehead lighties never remember to text back (no vex)

Pick One

This is why I didn't wish my US Fam Happy Thanksgiving

Trippy Friday: Apocalyptic Nightmare

Before this trip, I had had a lot of previous experience with other psychedelics, especially acid, and had taken it on approximately 20 other occasions, the most I have ever taken at once being 7 (After over a month of not taking it, so my tolerance level would have been zero), and on none of these occasions had I ever had a bad trip; I had never reached a state where I was oblivious to the outside world, i.e. where all I could see were my hallucinations, I had not had one single bad experience. And at the time of the trip I'm going to describe, I had not regretted a single acid trip I had taken. So I decided to take 3 hits, approximately µg 260 on each tab, ignoring the very VERY important fact that I was coming off Escitalopram (SSRI), 20 mg daily, which I had been on for about a year, and had stopped taking them instantly without progressively lowering the dose, so I had been experiencing EXTREMELY severe paresthesia to the point of paralysis and black outs, constant light-headedness, headache, dizziness, insomnia, cold sweats- I was about a week into coming off it. Yes. I was an idiot to take acid at this point of SSRI withdrawal. (more after the cut)

This is the reason why

I think everyone needs a POS

It's Black Friday!!! let the shopping craze begin. (Photos)

Imagine if its now in this Fuel Scarcity CHOI!!!

when your breastmilk now tastes like saltless rice and your child wants Banga Soup

Health Benefits of Eating Fruits

                                     

Fruit has been recognized as a good source of vitamins and minerals, and for their role in preventing vitamin C and vitamin A deficiencies. People who eat fruit as part of an overall healthy diet generally have a reduced risk of chronic diseases. USDA's MyPlate encourages making half your plate fruits and vegetables for healthy eating.

Fruit are important sources of many nutrients, including potassium, fiber, vitamin C and folate (folic acid). Try incorporating blueberries, citrus fruit, cranberries or strawberries which contain phytochemicals that are being studied for added health benefits. (more after the cut)

#TBT Abuja Post: The "E fit Be Series": Beware of Cooperate Ash...

They are everywhere in Naija, the Ash… I mean. They are easily noticed by their hair, claw like fake nails, long unnatural eyelashes, excessive make up, always overly dressed and scantily clad, infact these are their trademarks. 

Here we see the "local" ones, that still stand on the roads in the evenings/night, their boobs showing and as if they rubbed groundnut oil on it to attract men. (me too I didn't know it still happened), some have strategic places they stand at to avoid task force and if they get caught, they end up shagging their way out of the situation. (more after the cut)

Be nice to people but Live your life, you can't please everyone

Crazy men be like

No ugly people just broke people

Ignore What People Say (Inspirational Short Stories)

                                                                                              

People always talk negativity though it is related to our skills, our relationship, about illness. Very few people talk about positivity. Can people judge you when they don't know what is in your heart. You yourself is a better judge so judge yourself by analyzing your thoughts and actions.

Don't spend your life in proving yourself. When you accept yourself then you don't need others acceptance. All successful people have faced public rejections but still they tried hard because they believed in themselves instead of public opinion. (more after the cut)

When everyone was high on your naming ceremony

Student Loan issues

Like Tf is wrong with you, weirdo?

Poetry Wednesday: Free Your Mind

                                             

Don’t let them cage you
The thoughts I mean
The negativity that comes with the uncertainty we are surrounded by
The products of the past and the memories we treasure but regret
The feelings of everything that’s in sepia

Can you feel it?

Let them say you can’t dream

They can’t prevent you from falling asleep

Not literarily of course

They can’t dream it and turn it into life form for you

Shut them out (more after the cut)

Sexually Transmited Diseases (STDs) Prevention and Spread

                    

To prevent getting a sexually transmitted disease, or STD, always avoid sex with anyone who has genital sores, a rash, discharge, or other symptoms. The only time unprotected sex is safe is if you and your partner have sex only with each other, and if it's been at least six months since you each tested negative for STDs. Otherwise you should: (more after the cut)

When it's almost Black Friday and man gats Shop

walai 90% of Nigerian Dad's are like this especially mine

Naija women's #2 addiction after Telemundo

Antisocial Personality Disorder Symptoms (Life topic)

                                     

Antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a long-standing pattern of a disregard for other people’s rights, often crossing the line and violating those rights. It usually begins in childhood or as a teen and continues into their adult lives.

Antisocial personality disorder is often referred to as psychopathy or sociopathy in popular culture. However, neither psychopathy nor sociopathy are recognized professional labels used for diagnosis.

Individuals with Antisocial Personality Disorder frequently lack empathy and tend to be callous, cynical, and contemptuous of the feelings, rights, and sufferings of others. They may have an inflated and arrogant self-appraisal (e.g., feel that ordinary work is beneath them or lack a realistic concern about their current problems or their future) and may be excessively opinionated, self-assured, or cocky. They may display a glib, superficial charm and can be quite voluble and verbally facile (e.g., using technical terms or jargon that might impress someone who is unfamiliar with the topic). (more after the cut)

10 Signs Your Girlfriend is Cheating on You (Men get in here now)

   

Remember when you were young and you thought love was this invincible, bulletproof force that was immune to outside influence, impervious to evil and capable of overcoming all obstacles? And, then you found out your girlfriend was sleeping with your best friend since a week after you met, and that bubble was ruptured, never to be restored again. 

Sorry. Maybe we got a little personal on that one. Maybe, you're one of the lucky few who remains a fool for love, and the wool has yet to wear away before your eyes. We hate to single-handedly destroy your remaining naivete, but women do cheat. Thankfully, more often than not, these kind of things don't often happen without some sort of warning. Or in some cases, many. Here are intimations of infidelity that should tentatively raise flags: (more after the cut)

I'm not your twin abeg

Hold it in bruhh

Tell A Friend About Us Today!!!

                                     

Thanks to all our loyal followers and visitors, want to have more fun on our blog? Tell a friend about us today. Poetry Wednesdays begins this Wednesday don’t miss out. For a chance for your poetry or write-ups to be featured on our blog, send it to howtoliveinabuja@gmail.com. You can also send suggestions and opinions to the same email. Thank you

Mom Suspected Her Son Was In A Relationship With His Roommate. How She Found Out Is Priceless

                           

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, the son volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates." (more after the cut)

No Shave November

And thats how you know he aint your bae