Looking back at my past, there are many
things I wish I could have rewritten or done better. But the one thing I always
regretting not doing, was simply being who I truly am. Being in middle school
and in the phase where your changing, dealing with boys, hormones, school etc.
made life seem hard. Looking back I laugh knowing I've come a long way to be
where I am today and all that sweat, tears and falls were worth it. Grade 7 was
the worst year of my life. My dad passed away after a long two year battle with
stage 4 lung cancer that led to a brain tumor. He passed the day before we were
to return to school after break. (more after the cut)
I returned to school 2 days later. That day
everyone had heard, so I was treated differently. People that never talked to
me, paid attention to me, suddenly began talking to me as if they were helping
me, even those who had hurt me. It wasn't normal that day though I felt fine. I
felt that was the only time that I seemed important. But I was dying inside but
I didn't acknowledge it. Time went by and everything was okay. Home felt empty,
though he passed in palliative care. My family was quiet, no laughter, only
sorrow. I tried to get back to normal and as selfish as it sounds I seemed to
not care. But about 3 months of keeping silent, letting my "friends"
control me, and trying to fit in, I broke down. I was tired, frustrated and
sad. I felt I had hit rock bottom. So I built this invisible cage where I
smiled and acted normal, but I was alone where no one could hurt me. I
distanced myself and went silent. I always wanted to be one of the populars. I
thought having the most friends on facebook or twitter, having a boyfriend,
wearing all the name brand, and listening to popular music would make me a
"normal" person. I hated being criticized, judged or insulted. I
naturally was kind to others and let people take advantage of me because I was
gentle. But it took me a long time to figure out that's not who I am or who I
want to be.
Once I started making my own decisions, doing things on my own,
staying away from negative influences, and focusing on school life was simpler,
easier. I have realized before success, accomplishment, friendship or love
comes yourself. It starts with you. Confidence, and self- belief is key to good
character. Without your unique personality and character you will always just
be a part of society. Your voice and character has to stand out. People will
not love or befriend you because of what your wear or who you talk to. Some
will do. But at some point people will not care how much you have. People will
care how much you are, how much you're capable of and how genuine you are. You
are different, by all means, not because you look different, but on how much
you possess. How much good is in you. If you stay true to yourself others will
find good in you, others will turn to you. If you always try to be someone
else, I mean going behind people's backs, gossiping, starting problems and not
prioritizing what's important you will be headed to now where. Know that it's
okay to do well in school, to have good grades, to enjoy reading books or
simply doing your homework and its okay to excel in your career. Knowledge is
key. Knowledge is power. Knowledge is success. A good person is someone with
knowledge and heart. Remember sometimes to find yourself, you must first lose
it.
-written by Margeret greene
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